Revive Life

Life's been crazy and hectic. 

 The only one that heals my feels are written words. 

It's been chaotic really.

I'm passing from 2010 to 2011 with a lot less clue.

No life planning whatsoever...

But it's April already and I'm still here,

alive and happy (well, pretty much). 

It's a good thing, right?

Yeah, next time I'll do better.

For the first time in my life,

 I don't know what i want 

I have no clue or even a hint about what i am going to do next.

 I'm not lost but i think i need to feel content about my life.

 It's sad to say, I'm 26 and still figuring out.

(hopefully, it's just my PMS talking and i would feel content next week) 

Life. Never been so hard.

It’s been so long...i swamp my self on my job and my studies… and for the first time in my life I have no words to say about myself, I realize that something have change, my feelings, my moods, my opinion about a lot of stuff…and I just can’t get it out of my system.

It happens after me finally forgetting someone who’s been in my radar for quite a long time… I finally got over of him and suddenly everything is changing, like I’ve got this big energy that has been taken before… so I ended up making this energy as my reason to do all these things that I thought would make me happy and I always think that I owe myself a good times because I work and study hard. It turns out not really that fun, but I have no doubt that it made me appreciate what I’ve had all this year.

I didn’t miss him, but I miss the feeling of having someone to care but not like for forever kind of thing. I still want to feel free about myself, trying’ everything that I curiously want to do, having a lot of experience with a lot of and various people.

So all I have to do now is keeping my self sober and conscious about everything. It’s all about self control and boundaries. I really need to put my own limitation about all things, to keep myself for not getting’ out of my track.

(June 5th, 2007) 

Reading old journal is like a reminder, if i ever forgot what i really want to do with my life.

and knowing that back then and now, i always can encourage myself.

Am i too naive??

I really believe that deep down every man is kind, we just have too dig deeper to gain their trust and finally show their kindness.

And i still definitely believe in humanity too.

to someone who's been poisoning me with his

negative thoughts about people

{shut up}

Little Whisper

Today I kept hearing The Beatles's Free As A Bird in my ear when i'm listening to other song, feels like someone sing it very close in the back of my head.

It started this morning when i whispered it as i walk to work at 5.59 am while i had my headphone on my ears with MGMT's Kids playing. So weird.

I just realize that this song is pretty much describe what i'm feeling over the weeks, a bit sad, tired and a little worry about the future, my family and myself.  I guess my heart is trying to tell me what i really feel.

Free as a bird

The next best thing to be

Free as a bird

Whatever happened to

life that we once knew?

Can we really live without each other?

Where did we lose the touch?

That seem to mean so much

It always made me feel so free. 

Pictures Of My Life part 1...

   

 

Sometimes it feels good to be alone in a silent room.

photo from here

It started when my TV and DVD broken at the same time then i have to be creative finding things to do beside browsing, blogging and read my -feels like endless- Anna Karenina novel.

Then, i thought of what ancient people would do without TV, DVD, Laptop and every electronic things man ever made to end the dullness of living in crazy town?!? Since a week ago i tried some kind of a new habit, before i sleep i would just stay in my bed enjoying the silence in my room, it's pretty easy cause i'm always had a hard time to fell asleep. And you know what i found...being alone at one particular time is one hell of a therapy to just look at your life without all the hustle bustle, without people's opinion to hear, without people sometimes judgemental looks, just yourself saying things in your head and heart. You might have a big family, lots of friends and lovely spouse, but sometimes all you need is to be with yourself.

And it pretty much saves me from everyday media and

gossip consumption that i'm very tired to hear and see, feels relieving.

I'm breathing my fresh air of silence now.

Funeral Partee...

So yesterday i read this post from blog You Offend Me You Offend My Family about dreaming of funeral party, i quote "I figured a wedding was possible, but a funeral was a DONE DEAL!".

and then last night i started to think what kind of funeral i want to have, it doesn't mean that i wanted to die..i just want to leave the world with a Bang and so my siblings and friends won't confused about what i want for my own funeral. Here goes....

1. Since i thought of funeral party is like my last birthday, after the bla-bla-bla at the church, i want a big party at the beach, lombok will be great, and each of my friends and family have to say something about me that's funny, not a sad story but the funny moments i've spent with them.
2. Bring a dj or band (please, hire a very good band not the cheesy one). Everybody have to dance, i mean every single person..if you can't stand up please at least shake your ass or shoulder on your seat. Make sure no crappy or sad songs about being dead, it's the afterlife i'm in.
3. Free flow drinks and food, for food i would make everyone eat anykind of pasta ever made, because i love pasta...i know pasta is carbo-loaded but never think about calories on my funeral.
4. Everybody have to swim, we're on the beach for christ sake...at least get your shirt wet.
5. For my dead body, please Don't make me wear white dressses, just put some flip-flop on my feet, a cool t-shirt and my pair of great jeans, i wanna look relax when i had a conversation with G-O-D.
6. Buried me in the same block as my dad at the cemetery, i have a lot to talk about with him.
7. Don't forget to post about my death on my Tumblr and Blogger, some of them are my friend in disguise.

It's been a weird day, so i listen to...

Stay Golden - Au Revoir Simone

I had an unbelievable conversation with a stranger today. He made me believe in things that's very unnatural to me, wonder why he choose to talk to me...??

It Should've Been On My Wall

photo from here

I Wish..

i could take a little peek of the future, just a little hint to know whether i am doing things right. But I guess nothing is really, truly right. I just need to be happy with what i choose and choose things that makes me happy.

photo from here