Life. Never been so hard.
It’s been so long...i swamp my self on my job and my studies… and for the first time in my life I have no words to say about myself, I realize that something have change, my feelings, my moods, my opinion about a lot of stuff…and I just can’t get it out of my system.
It happens after me finally forgetting someone who’s been in my radar for quite a long time… I finally got over of him and suddenly everything is changing, like I’ve got this big energy that has been taken before… so I ended up making this energy as my reason to do all these things that I thought would make me happy and I always think that I owe myself a good times because I work and study hard. It turns out not really that fun, but I have no doubt that it made me appreciate what I’ve had all this year.
I didn’t miss him, but I miss the feeling of having someone to care but not like for forever kind of thing. I still want to feel free about myself, trying’ everything that I curiously want to do, having a lot of experience with a lot of and various people.
So all I have to do now is keeping my self sober and conscious about everything. It’s all about self control and boundaries. I really need to put my own limitation about all things, to keep myself for not getting’ out of my track.
It happens after me finally forgetting someone who’s been in my radar for quite a long time… I finally got over of him and suddenly everything is changing, like I’ve got this big energy that has been taken before… so I ended up making this energy as my reason to do all these things that I thought would make me happy and I always think that I owe myself a good times because I work and study hard. It turns out not really that fun, but I have no doubt that it made me appreciate what I’ve had all this year.
I didn’t miss him, but I miss the feeling of having someone to care but not like for forever kind of thing. I still want to feel free about myself, trying’ everything that I curiously want to do, having a lot of experience with a lot of and various people.
So all I have to do now is keeping my self sober and conscious about everything. It’s all about self control and boundaries. I really need to put my own limitation about all things, to keep myself for not getting’ out of my track.
(June 5th, 2007)
Reading old journal is like a reminder, if i ever forgot what i really want to do with my life.
and knowing that back then and now, i always can encourage myself.
Reading old journals rang a bell or two in me. I think I agree with what you've said.
ReplyDeleteWell, setting limitations and/or boundaries does help but it's tough to stick to standards. When one is in love, they lose more than they gain. The thing is, they are content with the little things they've gained and sorta lose track on what they've actually lost. It's no surprise that one in love would find the themselves again, a teenager in many sense. But that's only my opinion, take it hard, unnecessary. Loving is hard. Allowing oneself to be loved is, well, the hardest.