For the first time in my life,

 I don't know what i want 

I have no clue or even a hint about what i am going to do next.

 I'm not lost but i think i need to feel content about my life.

 It's sad to say, I'm 26 and still figuring out.

(hopefully, it's just my PMS talking and i would feel content next week) 

Just A Hint of Energy

After days being caught in the 

nasty rain, 

crazy wind, 

sore throat and dizzy head.

Today i gain my energy back (even when i haven't got my paycheck yet...)

It's always good to be back to your normal self.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet

(Roger Miller)

Crayon Angels

Judee Sill - Crayon Angels (1971)

Crayon Angel songs are slightly out of tune
But I'm sure I'm not to blame.
Nothin's happened but I think it will soon,
So I sit here waitin' for God and a train,
To the Astral plane.

 

 

my best song to get through rainy days, warm feelings cover me every time i hear her voice.

Anatomy of A Book : Kingdom of Fear - Hunter S. Thompson

I currently read this book, after 80 pages i got really hooked.

"This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here."

(Hunter S. Thompson) 

Life. Never been so hard.

It’s been so long...i swamp my self on my job and my studies… and for the first time in my life I have no words to say about myself, I realize that something have change, my feelings, my moods, my opinion about a lot of stuff…and I just can’t get it out of my system.

It happens after me finally forgetting someone who’s been in my radar for quite a long time… I finally got over of him and suddenly everything is changing, like I’ve got this big energy that has been taken before… so I ended up making this energy as my reason to do all these things that I thought would make me happy and I always think that I owe myself a good times because I work and study hard. It turns out not really that fun, but I have no doubt that it made me appreciate what I’ve had all this year.

I didn’t miss him, but I miss the feeling of having someone to care but not like for forever kind of thing. I still want to feel free about myself, trying’ everything that I curiously want to do, having a lot of experience with a lot of and various people.

So all I have to do now is keeping my self sober and conscious about everything. It’s all about self control and boundaries. I really need to put my own limitation about all things, to keep myself for not getting’ out of my track.

(June 5th, 2007) 

Reading old journal is like a reminder, if i ever forgot what i really want to do with my life.

and knowing that back then and now, i always can encourage myself.

In a Quiet Little Asian Food Restaurant

So yesterday, me and my girls had a meet up to grab good food and act like we didn't care how much we weight.  After 2 - 3 plates of dimsum and roast duck noodles plus a very cold breeze from the air conditioner while it's raining outside, our conversation  ends up with  talks about working environment, how much backstabbing happens in our offices, how crazy and sometimes racist, our bosses are. I guess we all have our own important issue. But i have to tell the truth that i miss our gag jokes, where at times stupid stuff are coming out of our mouths without censored, sometimes its kinda harsh and unimportant and I MISS IT. I didn't say i don't enjoy our meet up but there's just something missing.

Well, i happen to realize that I've might probably count on my friends too much for making me laugh. I need new source to simply make my life a little bit joyful, maybe i should just join the crazy circus that a good friend offer to watch with her next week... I'm considering it.Yes, I do.Or join a beginner dance class for middle age, it would be fun watching people stumbling on each other.

Honestly,  I'm still counting on our next meet up to have a great laugh. There still hope.

 

 

 

Growing up is hard to do

(Tony Parsons)

Half of my life now...

So I followed the path of educated misfits 

through the ages 

and got a job in a bookshop 

Hari Kunzru.