Life. Never been so hard.

It’s been so long...i swamp my self on my job and my studies… and for the first time in my life I have no words to say about myself, I realize that something have change, my feelings, my moods, my opinion about a lot of stuff…and I just can’t get it out of my system.

It happens after me finally forgetting someone who’s been in my radar for quite a long time… I finally got over of him and suddenly everything is changing, like I’ve got this big energy that has been taken before… so I ended up making this energy as my reason to do all these things that I thought would make me happy and I always think that I owe myself a good times because I work and study hard. It turns out not really that fun, but I have no doubt that it made me appreciate what I’ve had all this year.

I didn’t miss him, but I miss the feeling of having someone to care but not like for forever kind of thing. I still want to feel free about myself, trying’ everything that I curiously want to do, having a lot of experience with a lot of and various people.

So all I have to do now is keeping my self sober and conscious about everything. It’s all about self control and boundaries. I really need to put my own limitation about all things, to keep myself for not getting’ out of my track.

(June 5th, 2007) 

Reading old journal is like a reminder, if i ever forgot what i really want to do with my life.

and knowing that back then and now, i always can encourage myself.

In a Quiet Little Asian Food Restaurant

So yesterday, me and my girls had a meet up to grab good food and act like we didn't care how much we weight.  After 2 - 3 plates of dimsum and roast duck noodles plus a very cold breeze from the air conditioner while it's raining outside, our conversation  ends up with  talks about working environment, how much backstabbing happens in our offices, how crazy and sometimes racist, our bosses are. I guess we all have our own important issue. But i have to tell the truth that i miss our gag jokes, where at times stupid stuff are coming out of our mouths without censored, sometimes its kinda harsh and unimportant and I MISS IT. I didn't say i don't enjoy our meet up but there's just something missing.

Well, i happen to realize that I've might probably count on my friends too much for making me laugh. I need new source to simply make my life a little bit joyful, maybe i should just join the crazy circus that a good friend offer to watch with her next week... I'm considering it.Yes, I do.Or join a beginner dance class for middle age, it would be fun watching people stumbling on each other.

Honestly,  I'm still counting on our next meet up to have a great laugh. There still hope.

 

 

 

Growing up is hard to do

(Tony Parsons)

Half of my life now...

So I followed the path of educated misfits 

through the ages 

and got a job in a bookshop 

Hari Kunzru.

Lost For Words

With all of the advanced lifestyle of social networking these days, people always have something to say while combining their wit and smart to make amusing sentences on twitter or any other social networking site ever made. While me, everyday begins a twitter with blank face and boring stuff to say, it seems that i can't find great words to say or even putting my thoughts into the right words.
Sorry for the random rants.

I Want Joni Mitchell Kind of Morning.

Joni Mitchell - Chelsea Morning

I want traffic ringing up like christmas bells and

rapping up like pipes and drums.

I want pigeons fly.

I want milk and toast and honey and

a bowl of oranges.

I want the sun poured in like a butterscotch.

Parts of my dream house

Years ago,

my red skirt school uniform always got messed up with all the chalk's dust.

Now,

I want a fridge covered with chalkboard to messed up with.

photo from here

Don't need great places to take pictures and be happy

In this hot, humid and crowded street i pass everyday

i feel good

happy

and 

somehow felt blessed

(and i'm taking bus everyday, no air conditioning for me)