Life. Never been so hard.
It’s been so long...i swamp my self on my job and my studies… and for the first time in my life I have no words to say about myself, I realize that something have change, my feelings, my moods, my opinion about a lot of stuff…and I just can’t get it out of my system.
It happens after me finally forgetting someone who’s been in my radar for quite a long time… I finally got over of him and suddenly everything is changing, like I’ve got this big energy that has been taken before… so I ended up making this energy as my reason to do all these things that I thought would make me happy and I always think that I owe myself a good times because I work and study hard. It turns out not really that fun, but I have no doubt that it made me appreciate what I’ve had all this year.
I didn’t miss him, but I miss the feeling of having someone to care but not like for forever kind of thing. I still want to feel free about myself, trying’ everything that I curiously want to do, having a lot of experience with a lot of and various people.
So all I have to do now is keeping my self sober and conscious about everything. It’s all about self control and boundaries. I really need to put my own limitation about all things, to keep myself for not getting’ out of my track.
(June 5th, 2007)
Reading old journal is like a reminder, if i ever forgot what i really want to do with my life.
and knowing that back then and now, i always can encourage myself.
